Tough Love on Sleeping

Last night we did the tough love thing and let Ben stand at his gate and cry for a while and go back to his bed himself and fall asleep on his own. I would say to him, "Go back to your bed sweetie, we are right here, go to bed and go back to sleep" . It was time. This is my darling son-the more we give around the sleeping thing, the more he takes. It would be okay if he slept well when he had finally beat us into submission with the co-sleeping thing-but actually the more we sleep with him (the thing he desperately wants), the worse he sleeps (...and the worse we all sleep-with Ben tossing, turning, sleeping horizontally, etc).

So at first it was just a while in the early wee hours,we would bring him in the bed when he cried. Then we compromised to 3 or so, then 12. Or Al would go in his bed and stay with him till he fell back asleep. We thought we were giving him what he needed by responding to these callings for us. But the weird thing is that the more he got used to us coming to him at night, the worse he got at putting himself back to sleep-ergo the more he would get up until we came. At like 6 night wakings I finally laid down the law. He can do this, he can sleep on his own and let us all get some rest. How many times do we have to learn this one till we finally get to the point of "oh Ben just deal with it."

It's tricky because it is so nice to cuddle him and have him snugglin' beside us. Especially for Alex because he doesn't see him all day. But atleast for now our snuggling will happen when putting him to sleep or during the day for as long as he is willing to sit still. So what took us so long to get to this point? Well, I grappled with some typical mommy guilt which also made it hard to be firm on the sleep in your bed rule. I reasoned that Ben was at school all day sharing mommy with other kids, surely he needs me at night to know I am all his. Alex just likes snugglin him and he didn't want to give it up. Well, the bottom line is that none of us were sleeping responding to this nightly neediness so I am glad we made the change. I feel like we made the right decision and I think tonight will go a bit better. We'll have a sweet I-missed-you-all-night reunion in the morning. And Alex will enjoy the pre sleeping snuggles and the we're home from school! hugs all the more. We love ya, Ben!