Saturday Parenting

This morning I went shopping with Ben and he was less than enthusiastic about it. So in my haste to appease the cranky toddler, I ended up having to go back to the same store during his nap. Something like 4 hours was spent when all was said and done. Suffice to say I was up for an easy going evening. And that's just what Ben gave me!

Earlier in the week I had spoken to Stefanie, Ben's other teacher, who went through a training called Redirecting Children's Behavior that's offered to parents at Ben's school. In a nutshell, the emphasis is on positive discipline-rather than shaming the child into behaving properly, or just saying "no" you help them to redirect their negative behavior into a more approprite one. For example, if Ben is throwing the remote, you say, "I see you want to throw and throwing this could hurt mom or dad or the cats. Let's get you a ball." Or you could say, I see you're interested in the remote, let's see how to use this neat thing instead of throwing it so no one gets hurt." That kind of thing, though that's just the tip of the iceberg. You have to also give them a choice whenever you can and a reason. ("You can either stop throwing or I will take it away from you and you'll sit in the pack and play for some time. You choose.") So, "no throwing" is kinda arbitrary to Ben, and totally meaningless to him so he will not comply much of the time, so the theory goes.

I thought this sounded hoaky and that it was one of those parenting theories where the child is put on a pedestal and catered to too much. So my approach with him has been, "no hitting" and "no throwing". Lots of no's all over the place and it's not working so well. So I am trying to use this more RCB language. Much to my surprise, it seems to be working a bit better. I am trying to communicate better with Ben by giving him reasons and choices and he is listening more readily. I am some how less angry, and more willing to let him help me with the things I do that interest him. So today he "helped" me change the litter, rather than me chasing him outta the bathroom and yelling.

It's been nice and so far, it's been a bit easier and he is stopping the negative behavior sooner. I love him so much and today he was so cuddly and wanting hugs and kisses. It was so great because I have been missing that so much lately.